By: Nadine Lee
Tantric massage can be an incredible technique to introduce to your foreplay - it’s been my work as a Tantric educator to redefine Tantric massage as a not as a sex act, but as a therapeutic energy-aligning experience that balances your own energy and deepen your connection to a partner (in and beyond the bedroom).
It’s time to break down some of the misconceptions around this technique - and learn how to integrate it into your own partnerships.
At its essence, Tantric massage is a powerful path of awakening, with the ultimate aim to experience union within - of all polarities - masculine and feminine, consciousness and form, spirituality and sexuality. It is a path that helps us experience the fullest spectrum of our being, from our humanity to our divinity, whilst leaving no grey areas in between. It helps us feel whole and integrated; and experience the fullest spectrum of our lives; happy, healthy and whole.
One of the basic practices of Tantra is honoring the Shiva and Shakti - (masculine and feminine) energies - as the two universal guiding principles of our existence. Shiva is consciousness and pure awareness and Shakti is manifestation or form. When these two universal energies are in balance, we move through life and relationships with harmony and flow.
Often, we are drawn to one another in order to balance ourselves out. Females hold slightly more Shakti or feminine qualities, and men hold slightly more Shiva or masculine qualities. However we have both qualities within us, and we are here to experience the union of both Shiva and Shakti (masculine and feminine) within ourselves.
The Role of Tantra Massage:
A Tantra Massage is aimed at opening up energy pathways within the body so that our life force can flow freely, as well as honoring the divine masculine and feminine through including the genitals in the massage.
In Tantra, Lingam is the Sanskrit word for the male sexual organ. In Tantra the Lingam is honored and respected as it is a channel for sexual energy and pleasure. As well as the symbol of the divine masculine or Shiva force.
Yoni is the Sanskrit word for the female sexual organ and the translation of the word means Sacred Space. The Yoni includes everything from the outer vagina, to the ovaries and womb. The Yoni is honored and respected as it is the source of creation and manifestation of life itself. Thus, it is the ultimate representation of the divine feminine or Shakti force.
How does Tantra Massage differ from regular massage?
When we speak about Tantra Massage, this includes a full body massage, and by that I mean full body so we include the genitals. The goal is not to orgasm, although the experience itself is highly pleasurable. The intention is to support the redirection of the intense sexual pleasure, so it is felt throughout the whole body, not just around the genitals. This supports vitality and good health as the energy stored in our genitals, our sexual energy, is the most potent and powerful energy on the planet, for it creates life itself.
Another main difference between normal massage and Tantra massage is holding the intention to honor the divine feminine and masculine within one another by honoring the Yoni and the Lingam.. When we do this we bring about union and harmony within ourselves as individuals as well as the universe at large. Ideally a Tantra massage is most effective when done between a couple in a relationship - which creates a safe container for surrender and trust.
How to give a Tantra Massage
Create the space:
To begin a Tantra Massage it is important to create a beautiful space for the practice, lay down a soft rug, or mattress on the floor with pillows and create a really nurturing space. It is nice to do the practice not on the bed as this is your sleeping space, so you want it to feel energetically more special and sacred. Light candles, burn some incense or oils, play some soft music, really go to an effort to create a sacred space. Be prepared with plenty of coconut oil, warm and melted.
Initiate touch and energy awareness:
To begin you can sit together and connect by looking into one another’s eyes & breathing together. Then from this place speak into anything that is naturally arising, boundaries, needs, wants, desires.
When ready, ask your partner to lie on their back. A cushion should be placed just under his hips to elevate the pelvis slightly. Begin by placing one hand on the heart and one on the belly. Make this connection and encourage deep belly breaths, deep into your palm resting on his belly. This encourages energy to direct down to the genitals and base chakras and naturally rise up as they exhale and deep relaxation of this space.
Work your way down - then up:
Make your way down to your partner’s feet and massage your way up the legs. Paying specific focus on the inner heel as this stimulates their genital organs, and supports release of any toxicities in the genital organs; and promotes healthy semen for men and menstrual blood & ovarian flow.
Move your way up the legs; and inner thighs. Really taking your time. Combining long slow strokes with deep muscle trigger points along the outer and inner leg; allowing energy to flow freely through all the meridians.
Shift your focus to the core:
Move up to the belly and massage in a circular motion the belly. Starting at the solar plexus and moving around clockwise. Really focus a decent amount of time on the belly as many of us hold a lot of stagnant sexual energy in the second and third chakra, particularly the third (solar plexus); power center. You can also apply a trigger point in the psoas muscles; because if we experience fear or stress, these are the first muscles to be clenched; and this blocks the flow of our life force energy. From here you can continue to give a full body massage with long slow deep strokes.
Turn your attention to the Lingam/Yoni:
Once your partner is fully relaxed, you can begin to massage the Yoni / Lingam. Remember that before massaging the Yoni or Lingam; it is beautiful to ask permission from your partner so that this sacred space is honored.
Make sure you have plenty of massage oil rubbed onto your hands. Beginning at the very top of the thighs massage the oil into the skin moving upwards to where the top of the legs meet the crease of the pelvis.
With slow and slightly firm pressure begin to massage the lower part of the pelvic bone with the fingertips using small circular motions; this stimulates blood flow into the genital area.
From here you can begin to apply a variety of different massage techniques according to the Yoni and Lingam specifically (you can learn about these by checking out my eBook Sacred Sex or even deeper by attending on of our Tantric Alchemy Couples Retreats). Through these specific techniques you are both releasing tension and stuck energy in the Lingam and Yoni itself, which is incredibly rejuvenating and healing, as well as arousing sexual energy and pleasure; in which the intention is to combine breath sound and movement of the body to redirect the sexual energy from the genital area itself, to throughout the entire body. By having the focus be on redirecting sexual energy from the genitals to the entire body, one often experiences what is known as a full body orgasm. This is an incredibly pleasurable, healing and spiritual experience. Take your time to reach this.
When couples incorporate this as a ritual into their love making, it takes their relationship to an entirely new level of intimacy and deepens their spiritual bond. You will leave the experience (whether sex follows or not) feeling very open and deeply connected to your partner and reassured of your own sacred capacity.
About the Author:
Nadine Lee is a Teacher of the Tantric Arts, Feminine Embodiment Mentor and Transformational Catalyst. For the past decade she has been devoted to personal transformation and apprenticed with gifted Shamans, Tantriks & Spiritual Teachers. She is highly gifted in seeing others potentials & is passionate about Sacred Relationship, within & without, and creating sacred spaces for individuals to awaken to their fullest potential. She is the founder of the Tantric Alchemy School of Awakened Arts - offering Facilitator Trainings, Mentorships & Online Courses empowering female leaders in Sexuality & Spirituality. She also coaches couples to experience deeper passion, power & pleasure using the Tantric Arts.
We encourage you to follow her and all her wisdom on Instagram @tantric.alchemy